Climbing out of the Pit

April 16^th, 2008

This has been an interesting week for me.  On Saturday, the 12^thApril, I attended a Parelli Play Day with my friend Janet.  I miss going to these meets, but was glad that Janet had me tag along with her and “Paris” (affectionately known to me as “Penny-Paris”).  The meeting was inspirational.  There was a lady there with her Hanoverian/Quarter Horse X (strange, but true) who is a “wonder horse”.  Deb had “Gem” doing the circling game “backwards” with the slightest communication (just a little lift to her hand in the right direction), it was “magic” in my eyes.  Well?  Gem, to begin with seems so magical, a lovely big grey mare with beautiful movement (inherited from her Hanoverian sire) and has the savvy of her QH dam.   Janet did so well with Paris (13 yr old QH) and they have been connected for less than a year!  WOW – more inspiration to keep me going on in my journey.  I am very fortunate to have met Janet and to have opportunities to tag along to Parelli Clinics, Play Days and to be a “groom” for her matriarch QH, “Cactus”.  I was also so happy to see Sue again!   I miss our chats and her great company.  Sue boarded Oliver for me and took such great care of him, despite him playing with every stick in her pasture and “weeding” it (he used to love to pull out weeds and toss them everywhere).  His left-brain extrovert horse-anality was so funny at times (although chasing Lily the cat to play while I was on board was not a best moment – LOL!).  Oh, he certainly still brings a smile to my face!

After the Parelli meet, I put into a form a list of what I “can do”, what I can do with “some fear” and what I “cannot” do.  This exercise is from Stephanie Burns’ book, “Move Closer, Stay Longer”.  I have had the book since last Fall after a few mishaps with Oliver and as I began to fail as his Leader.  Unfortunately, I got the better of myself and went into a downward spiral to the pits of hell (that is the only way I could describe it).  I soon began to feel like a complete failure and ended up returning Oliver to the Adoption Program, back into the wonderful care of Marni.  I had lost it (mentally) and have been an emotional wreck since.  I am not one to give up (a perfectionist to state the least), so to give Oliver up was telling me that I had failed (“F”, not a “D”, a big whopping “F”)!  It was in January 2008 that I had decided to sell off everything that I had, as I was in the pit and no matter what I tried – I couldn’t climb out.  That is when the tides changed.   A lady named “Janet” called me to purchase a couple of DVDs that I had for sale.  Janet lived 2 minutes from our house!  We met, chatted and I met her beautiful horses.  Janet offered that I come over and groom out her matriarch, “Cactus”.  It felt that this was meant to be, so I accepted, and the rest is history!

In March, I began to feel that I was climbing out of the pit (slow, but surely) and it was then that I had decided to start “looking” at horses for sale.  Not ready to buy, but I was looking to “set a goal” – make a target, inspire … and any other word/phrase that I could use to describe the process to “keep me going”.  I came across a web site for an Arabian breeder near Kincardine, ON.  It’s a good 2 ½ hour hike, North-West of our home.  I left in the morning, was on the road for an hour, got totally lost and came back home.  Anthony came to the rescue, grabbed his GPS system and off we tried again – this time with success.  We arrived to this wonderful farm with horses everywhere.  I met the owner, “Pat” and she took me on a tour.  You could tell immediately she was quite proud of her horses and deservingly so!   I met the Stallions first and they were – ohhhhhhhhhhhhh so beautiful and soooooooo well-mannered.  How many times have I been told to stay away from Arabs, because they are too hot?  Well?  I would like to introduce everyone to Pat’s farm, if I could – to see the best behaved horses that I have seen in a LONG time.  Their manners were impeccable (including the very gentle stallions!!!).  After my own research, I have come to find out that Arabians are the ONLY breed in North America that Youth (under the age of eighteen) can show Stallions in the halter classes – let me re-emphasize that point, the ONLY breed.  Must be a reason for that, eh?  Pat then took me to her paddocks and invited me to enter them.  To put it mildly, I was terrified (if you could see my list of “fears”, entering a paddock of horses unknown to me is something that I “cannot” do).  I did it (really, I did!!!).  And WOW Factor – BIG time.  an incredible experience.   ALL of Pat’s horses were most respectful of our presence and Anthony, as the outside onlooker, will attest to that.  He has never witnessed anything like it either.  It was another “magical” moment for me (a scene right out of the movie, the Black Stallion!!!).  

There was one filly who stood out the most, her name is “Silver April” and she captured my heart the most out of Paddock # 1.  She followed me everywhere and even began to ward off other horses in a protector type mannerism.  She has big, beautiful soft eyes and a very kind demeanor.  She is a dark grey filly and she just turned 4 years of age (born in April 2004).   After the first paddock, we went to a big open paddock and that is where my heart began to race (fear, anxiety kicking in) – BIG horses were coming from everywhere towards us and in seconds we were surrounded.  But again, as Pat repeatedly said to me, “I was safe” – and I “was” !!!  Aspen and Jess (a couple of 5 year old gray geldings who are barely indistinguishable from each other) followed us around like puppy dogs and were the standouts of the group.  The palomino overo gelding, “Tango” who is 3 was another stand out.  Tango is just soooooooooooo sweet!   After my horsie visit, Anthony and I trucked on home.  I really cannot thank Pat enough for this experience and allowing me to visit her farm with such patience (having Nervous Nellie by her side!).  Her horses are a wonderful tribute to the Arabian breed and it was completely inspirational that I was able to climb a couple more feet out of my pit hole.

After my visit to Pat’s farm, I was determined more than ever to get “back into the saddle” and I signed up for lessons at Five Star Ranch in Campbellville.   The owner, Gail Haynes, is a John Lyons Certified Instructor.  Now, I am not having lessons with Gail – but the fact that she employs Natural Horsemanship equates to me that her horses should respond well to communication and be cooperative partners in my quest of self-healing.  I started lessons on Tuesday, April 1^st (no April Fool’s Joke here!) and it is going well.  The horses are not “bracey” or “tense” and my instructor Paulette is quite understanding that I am recovering and currently a very Nervous Nellie.  Therefore, she is allowing me to ride the same horse every week that I am comfortable on.  His name is “R.Z.” and he is a Reg’d Quarter Horse, Past Performance Western Pleasure.  He is a good horse and I feel that I can learn from him and borrow some of his confidence.

My next steps?  Well, there are a lot of them.  I am going back to Pat’s Arab Farm in May to visit April, Jess, Aspen, Tango and India (another sport pony).  I am going to have a personal play day with those picks in the round pen to see if I feel a connection with any of them (April, of course is still my front running favourite, but I am open to all and if one of the others connect better, so be it).  Jess is a “brave, unshakeable” Anglo-Arab which is very attractive to me as well.  Tango, the Sport Pony (Arab Sire, Pony Grade Dam) is a really nice size, sweet tempered and he has the looks too (lovely Palomino Overo).  Will see what happens.  Nothing is set in stone, but these horses/ponies are the closest to what I am looking for.  They have the temperament (in your pocket, loving, willing, and kind) and they are soooooooooooooooooo beautiful!   All of Pat’s horses are raised using Chris Irwin techniques (Canada’s Natural Horsemanship Master), which is “icing on the cake” in my eyes.

I am going to a Parelli Clinic in May with Janet.  We are spending the weekend with “Don Halladay” as he hosts an intense 3 day workshop in Uxbridge.  I won’t be surprised if Janet comes out with a Level One String by the end of it.   Janet and Paris are doing extremely well and I see a Red String dangling off Janet’s Carrot Stick – VERY SOON!

I am also arranging (still in the process of) to attend a workshop with Anne Gage, a double gold certified Chris Irwin instructor.  Her workshop is entitled “Horses and Fear”.   Anne has had her own personal experiences that she has had to overcome and she shares her own strategies in her workshop to work through any confidence issues.  She is known as the “Confidence Coach”.  Chris Irwin is also coming “to town” and will be in the area from April 26^th to April 28^th.  I have my last judge’s assist on Sat April 26^th in New York (for the guinea pigs), but I am “hoping” that I can attend the 27^th session as a Spectator.  As mentioned above, all of Pat’s horses are raised via Chris Irwin’s methods and it would be nice to learn more about how her horses have been raised (since foals).  Let’s see how whipped I am from my NY trip, before committing, but I REALLY want to go.

And last, but not least – I am still working with dear ole’ matriarch, “Cactus” who is my equine confidence coach. She was and still is – instrumental in my healing process and thank you dearly to her mum, Janet – who invited Nervous Nellie (me!) to join up with “Cactus”.

 Heather